Chapter Three
A Little Out of Balance
(Character Symmetry)
Developing Fair & Balanced Character Qualities

What in the world is character symmetry? Let's focus on just the word symmetry. What does symmetry mean? It means this: "Balanced proportions; also: beauty of form arising from balanced proportions". So then, character symmetry would mean having a character that is balanced. It's as simple as that!

Have you ever heard the expression used where it was said a person was, "a little out of balance"? Being a little out of balance is not a good thing. An employer would not say, "Hmm, that person is a little bit out of balance, I think I will hire him." A person in search of mate would not say, "I have found a person who is a little out of balance. I think I will marry that person." When we vote, we would not say, "I have found the right candidate because he seems to be a little out of balance." When it comes to character, it is important not to be a little out of balance.

If you are an actor; if you are an artist; if you are an entertainer; or if you are a rock & roll musician, there is a good chance your adoring public does not care if you are a little out of balance or not.

However, if you are politician; if you are an employer; if you are a teacher; if you are a leader in the community; a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a husband, a wife; or someone's best friend, there is a good chance we prefer you are not a little out of balance.

The fundamental question to ask is not whether we are little out of balance, but rather, "what areas are we a little out of balance?" If you are making new friends, choosing a life partner, or in anyway involved in assessing your relationship to some other person, having the tools handy to help you discover the area they are a little out of balance are of tremendous value. It is wise and helpful to know about the character of other people before you make a commitment to them.  Anything short of that can lead to disaster.

What does this mean? It is when one assaults another's character in order to destroy that person. Whether the accusations are true or false, this can ruin a person's reputation for life. Many potential candidates for public office have refused to run because of their fear of this. Perhaps the very same ones are aware of areas of their life where they have been a little out of balance. Perhaps they fear being exposed!

The fear of being exposed can enter into all of our relationships. At times, we may hunt for a close friend to trust for years before we find one. We look until we find one that we believe will not betray us. We look for a friend who will be a loyal friend. If we reveal to them the areas of our life where we have been a little out of balance, we do not want them to expose us, judge us, or condemn us.

What is the goal of a true intimate friendship? It is to establish trust and acceptance. It is to establish the mutual up-building of each other's character. It is to help each other become all that you can become. It is when there are no fears of being exposed or rejected if we reveal to them our flaws. We want to know that our true friends will not expose our weaknesses to harm us, ridicule us, judge us, or embarrass us. If we confide in them areas where we were a little out of balance, we desire confidentiality and trust.

Most people have a keen sense for whether they are a little out of balance or not. Yet few could actually put it into words. Few could actually tell you specifically in what ways they are a little out of balance. Moreover, we tend to show people our best face. We do not like other people to know what our character flaws are. We do not like revealing our flaws to others unless we are sure they can be trusted.

Have you ever had an encounter with some person only to find out they could not be trusted at all? Perhaps it was a small issue. Perhaps it was a very large issue. Perhaps you confided in them about yourself or your own problems, and they betrayed that trust you placed in them.

Perhaps you needed some compassion, and you confided in them with a certain level of trust. Then you were shocked when they gave you no compassion at all ...but only scorn and ridicule. Perhaps you trusted in them for help, leadership, and guidance. Then they stabbed you in the back through deceit and betrayal of trust. Perhaps you trusted in their loyal friendship to you. Perhaps it was a close friend or family member. Then you found out they had no loyalty for you at all. Then they denied doing anything at all.

Every conflict is due to both sides being a little out of balance.
There are no exceptions!

If you can think of an exception, it is something other than conflict. If you have found yourself in a conflict, if you have concluded that it must be the other person's fault entirely, guess again! It does not take much for us to start or add to a conflict. You did at least one thing to contribute to the conflict.

When two are involved, and they both are only a little out of balance, conflict can easily happen. It is always so easy to see what it is that the other person did wrong. It seems much harder for us to admit that we did something to contribute to the conflict.

The question is not if you are little out of balance and partly responsible for the conflict. The question is which area are you a little out of balance? Was it your creativity? Was it your fair-mindedness? Was it your forgiveness or discretion? Perhaps it was your discernment, your discipline, or your objectivity!

Suppose that you have an encounter with someone. Suppose that the other person is being a little out of balance in their character. Suppose that what they are saying or doing is causing you harm, injury, or insult. Has that ever happened to you? Well, your next choice will be the deciding factor of whether or not you are in a conflict. Your next choice will decide if you are preventing a conflict or engaging in one. The choice is up to you.

Presently, the human race is made up of those who range from being a little to a lot out of balance. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone had a tag on their wrist that we could read when we meet them? You understand, on their tag would be the resume' of their character. It would tell of what areas that they were a little out of balance. It would tell whether they were a lot out of balance.

So then, the rule of etiquette would be that each time you meet someone new you could read their tag first. Once you saw their tag, you could then decide whether they were worth getting to know or not worth the risk. The tags could even be color-coded by the people who knew them before you did. That way, warnings about them could be passed on to those who are next in line to meet them. If they were mean or rude to you, you could simply give them a red tag to wear as a warning to the next person. Have you ever met someone you wish would have come with a warning tag?

You see; each one already has color-coded tags on them. The issue is not if they come with tags or not. The real issue is how do we learn how to read those tags? You see, the tags are written in the language of character. In order to read the tags, you first have to learn how to read the language of character. Solving Conflicts is about learning how to read the language of character.

Now then, some people are very cleaver about keeping their tags hidden. Those types should have a "buyers beware" sticker on their forehead! Those people can be very hard to read even if you know the language of character.

However, most people do not know how to keep their tags hidden. That is a good thing. Most people wear their tags on their wrist for everyone to read. In a very brief encounter, you might not have the time to read their tags before they try to start a conflict with you. That is why it is always a good idea to take some time to learn about people first. Take some time to read their tags first. You will avoid many troubles for yourself if you do. Choose your friends wisely! Get to know them first before you make unwise commitments to them.

You have some tags of your own. Before you go around reading other people's tags, you need to learn how to read your own tags first. Knowing your own character is the first step to becoming balanced. Then you can become the person that others would like to meet for the very first time. One good choice at a time you can begin to be more balanced in your character. Then you can become the person with a balanced character who would make a great best friend.

First, Solving Conflicts is devoted to helping you learn how to read your own character tags. It is devoted to help you see areas that are a little or a lot out of balance. It is devoted to helping you see new ways that you can get your character in balance. The goal is to help you develop a balanced character one good choice at a time.

Second, our goal is to help you read the character tags of others. The purpose of this is not so that you can be the judge of others. The purpose of this is to enable you to find helpful ways to assist other willing people in their character growth.

In fact, as you proceed through Solving Conflicts Part Two, you will be able to see all of your own color-coded tags. You will be able to actually see your character strengths in the automated, interactive, color-coded chart.

You will see your character strengths color-coded and ranked from the safest to the most at risk areas of your character. The most at risk areas of your character are the areas that are most likely to be the trouble spots in your own character that are causing conflict in your life. Identifying them is the first-step to preventing them ...one good choice at a time!

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