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"Before You Accuse Me, Take a Look at Your Self"
Why has it become so hard for people
to get along with other people?
How can things go so wrong between two people? How
can two lovers end up in a silent standoff? How can a marriage of professed
love end in a divorce that sometimes produces bitter conflict for a
The issue is much broader than marriage and divorce
The issue is people, character, and conflict resolution!
How can we be so very blind to the character of
other people? How can we misjudge them so completely? How can we at
first think that they are perfect for us ...only to find out later
that they were perfectly wrong for us? Are we that bad at judging the
character of others and solving conflicts?
Simply put, yes we are!
The pioneer broadcaster and man of wisdom, HMS Richards,
once met with a 21-year-old man who had come to his wits end. His two-year
marriage had become riddled full of conflict. This led him on a desperate
At last, he ended up at the home of Richard's seeking
for advice. The young fellow unloaded to the wise old man his laundry
list of troubles that his young bride was causing him. When he finished,
Richards said, "Son, you can't change your wife ...you can only change
yourself!" The young fellow was nearly speechless. He felt certain
that the wise old man must have misunderstood part of the story. He
spoke up again to try to clarify himself. The old sage listened carefully
as he let the young fellow continue to unload. Then he spoke again, "Son,
you can't change your wife ...you can only change yourself!"
Have you ever tried to change someone who simply was not willing
to listen ...much less actually change? It did not work, did it? Have
you uncovered only a deep mystery concerning why people act the way
The young fellow that Richards had been counseling
was the third generation in a row of divorce. His single parent mother
raised him in a fatherless home. The odds for personal fault were against
that young fellow. Whatever problems he would have liked to change
in his young wife, most likely he had far more important personal
concerns. His own character and problem solving skills needed changing
Legendary rock & roll guitarist/singer, Eric Clapton, popularized the 1957
song lyrics written by fellow legend, Bo Diddley, called, "Before You
Accuse Me". The lyrics continued on: "Before you accuse me, take a look
Have you taken a close look at your own character
Before you accuse others, why not take
a close look at your own character and problem solving skills first!
Oh, and by the way, after you are done, do not accuse anyone of his
or her faults.
Solving Conflicts offers
a much more productive method for conflict resolution.
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